selfish

i can't decide if it would be selfish of me to:

a - stay at work so we can continue our lifestyle, save for the future, and have time alone at work

or

b - stay at home and quit work to be with brandon

i want to do what's best for brandon.  is that saving money so we can buy him a big house with a yard and lots of toys and send him to a good school?  or is it staying home with him so he can eat and sleep and be with his mama?

my boss said if we can afford it, i should quit now because that's when brandon needs me.  in a few years, he will go to preschool and then i can work again.  that sounds reasonable to me.  but then my dad asked if we saved up enough money for brandon later, and said that they are doing fine with him during the day.  i don't know what to do!! 

another thing is that tim and i are both super tired from the commute (up to 1 hr each way).  will we just adjust and get used to it?  or is it getting worse each day?  should we move closer to my parents and i'll keep working?

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kinsiekins
that's tough and of course only you guys can come up with the answer....

but in regards to the commute, i think you'll get used to it. i used to commute far for work and once i got used to it, it was no big deal for me most of the time. now, when i do drive by my old office i wonder how the hell i commuted so far for work. it was about 45-60 mins in the morning and 1.5 hours in the evenings.
daydreamy
wow, so many big decisions. i personally chose to go back to work b/c it's hard to be a single income family in california, especially the bay area. but i know people who do manage it, so it's definitely not impossible. your situation sounds a little better because at least brandon is with your parents. i had to put claire in daycare at 6 months. :\ i wouldn't worry too much about brandon missing out on mama-baby bonding time while you're at work. i feared the same thing with claire, but now, over 1 year later, claire is still super happy to see me when i pick her up from daycare, and we are extremely close. i think no matter what you choose, brandon will still know how much you love him. good luck with your choice! regardless of what happens, you're a great mom! :)
jen
i don't think it can ever be considered selfish to stay at home with your baby (or to go to work if that is what you decide to do because it is best for your family). i had every intention of going back to work for financial reasons but we are making it work financially (on a tight budget) now that i am not going back. and i feel lucky to get to change every diaper and see every new thing ryall does each day. i'm freelancing off and on from home and will consider going back to an office job when ryall is in preschool. don't let whatever decision you make make you feel bad - brandon seems so happy and loved! he will be fine either way. he is a lucky little guy.
sunflowergurl
Ah the neverending dilemma of new parents. Like everyone said it's totally up to you. I chose to go back to work because of financial reasons and I also, I like my job. I have to admit it was hard the first few months. My commute is about 45 minutes each way and being sleep-deprived, it makes it worse but we eventually got into a routine that I got used to and it's not so bad anymore. However, if you think you guys can manage with a single income then I wouldn't hesitate to stay home with the baby. Can you go part time at first and see how you like it?

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